me gettin stabbed as usual
'lol what can you do'
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
a headline I wasnt prepared to read
When Internet Explorer asks to be your default browser.
Some Denny’s booths you enter and enjoy a nice meal, others you enter and travel magnificent distances through space and time….
Denny’s what the hell
Please keep this circulating. Cops are getting more and more brazen, know your rights!
good to know
whenever i get an essay assignment i immediately go “how can i work a feminist and anti capitalist rant into this”
How about focus on the fucking essay and not make everything about your passions? You don’t see me making a rant about whales in every fucking essay I get.
i study sociology and politics, its always relevant you fucking weirdo. go fuck a whale or something.
One of my favourite things about Harry Potter is that Harry is such an unreliable narrator, not because he’s lying, but because he was so oblivious, just about anything could be going on under his nose and he wouldn’t even notice. It’s great because it supports basically every headcanon. Like, no, Harry would not have noticed if Sirius and Remus were dating, I know he’s The Chosen One but he’s about as perceptive as a pile of bricks.
kidzbop is gonna be like “my anaconda don’t want none unless u like fun, hun!!”
"oh my gosh. look at her heart!"